


Reunion

by expectingtofly



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel and Dean Winchester Holding Hands, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Coda, Dean Winchester Confesses His Love, Dean Winchester Prays to Castiel, Dean Winchester Saves Castiel, Forehead Touching, M/M, Pining, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, Season 15 Episode 18, The Empty (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:40:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27478948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/expectingtofly/pseuds/expectingtofly
Summary: Slowly, Dean opened his eyes to darkness extending in every direction, an unnatural light without source illuminating only a few feet ahead of him. He might’ve thought he was floating in space if he couldn’t feel and see his feet on the ground. Fear crept through him as he turned in a slow circle, taking in the total darkness surrounding him. The Empty.Shutting his eyes again, he took a deep breath, tried to steady himself. Chuck was dead, everyone who had vanished returned. The world set back to rights—but not completely, not yet. He had begged Jack to send him to the Empty, to let him fix this. To save Castiel. He had to do this. He could do this.Season 15 Episode 18 Coda where Dean goes to the Empty to save Castiel and confess his love
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 11
Kudos: 172





	Reunion

Jack snapped his fingers and Dean felt something lurch inside his chest, his footing and balance suddenly unstable and tilting, then, just as suddenly, steady.

Slowly, he opened his eyes to darkness extending in every direction, an unnatural light without source illuminating only a few feet ahead of him. He might’ve thought he was floating in space if he couldn’t feel and see his feet on the ground. Fear crept through him as he turned in a slow circle, taking in the total darkness surrounding him. The Empty.

“Cas?” he called. No words left his mouth, not even a vibration in his chest or throat to tell him he’d spoken. It struck him how quiet the Empty was—no, not just quiet—silent. Completely and utterly silent. He couldn’t hear his own breathing, took a step forward and couldn’t hear the movement. 

“Cas, where are you?” he called again, or tried to, because panic was welling up in his chest, making it hard to breathe. Silence, like a sponge that soaked up any noise. Desperation, always on the brink of overwhelming him since Cas had been taken before his eyes.

Shutting his eyes again, he took a deep breath, tried to steady himself. Chuck was dead, everyone who had vanished returned. The world set back to rights—but not completely, not yet. He had begged Jack to send him to the Empty, to let him fix this. To save Castiel. He had to do this. He could do this.

Opening his eyes, Dean began walking. He didn’t know where he was walking towards, didn’t even know if he was walking in a straight line. The surface under his feet felt steady enough, though he couldn’t shake the feeling that his next step would find him falling into an abyss. The air around him—if it was air at all—seemed to pulse and waver, as if his movements disturbed this place.

He didn’t know where he was headed, but he had to move, had to search. Ever since Cas had... died (the word still seemed so unfairly final), every other duty had shrunk before this one. Defeating Chuck, saving their world—it was all a precursor to this mission: finding Cas and bringing him home. Maybe it was selfish of him, but Dean knew that if the world went back to normal but didn’t include Cas, nothing would ever feel right.

His eyes strained as he scanned his surroundings for something, anything. At a chill creeping over his shoulders, a tingling across the back of his neck, he spun around. Nothing was there.

Wary, he turned back to the direction he thought he’d been walking in and continued forward. Then he heard a voice that stopped him in his tracks.

_You’re not supposed to be here,_ it whispered. He couldn’t physically hear the words, only felt them slither through his mind. Not a human voice, too sinister and sharp. A voice that must belong to the Shadow, the entity that ruled the Empty, that took Castiel from him. _You don’t belong here._

“Where’s Castiel?” Dean tried to ask aloud. His mouth moved wordlessly.

The Shadow laughed. Tendrils of ice snuck along Dean’s arms and he couldn’t resist looking around himself again, wishing he could see the Shadow, put a face to it, fight against something physical.

_Castiel is asleep, Dean. He’s content, peaceful._ Dean shuddered as the words filled his mind, chilled him to the bone. _He asked me to bring him here, don’t you remember? Conjured every happy memory of you and him, spoke of his love for you—his favorite subject—until I heard his happiness from here and returned him to where he belongs. You know that._

Dean knew. Every time he shut his eyes, blinked, he saw the smile on Cas’ face as the Empty enveloped him. 

_Cas doesn’t belong here,_ he told the Shadow, thinking the words now instead of trying to speak them. He began walking again, faster now, searching the darkness before him. Millions of angels and demons rested here—where were they? Where was Cas?

The Shadow laughed, more of a sensation crawling along Dean’s skin than a sound in his mind. _He doesn’t want you to save him, Dean. Why are you here, truly? To do the noble thing? To fulfill your own need to always save, to always rescue? Are you really that selfish?_

The atmosphere around Dean seemed to shift, to press back against him. His movements felt sluggish, as if the Empty was actively fighting him.

_You don’t deserve Castiel. You’ve known it for so long— isn’t that why you’ve kept quiet all these years? You never could tell him just how much he meant to you because you knew, you knew you had no right to feel this way._

Dean could feel cold prickling at his scalp, as if the Shadow was roaming through his head, picking through his memories, his doubts, his fears.

_Castiel is delusional, isn’t he?_ the Shadow asked, a hint of amusement in its voice. _Why would he ever love you? After the way you’ve treated him, abandoned him, broken his heart time after time after time?_

A heavy, despondent feeling settled in Dean’s chest. His footsteps slowed to a stop, almost without his meaning to. Exhaustion settled on his shoulders. It was true, what the Shadow was saying. He didn’t deserve to be loved by Cas, didn’t deserve his sacrifice.

_Yes,_ the Shadow hissed. _Leave Castiel alone, Dean. He’s finally at peace. He no longer has to hear how unneeded, how unwanted he is._

_I need him,_ Dean thought desperately. _I want him._

The thought brought back Castiel’s own words: “The one thing I want is something I know I can’t have.” 

_You can have me,_ Dean had wanted to tell him, but the words caught in his throat because it seemed too good to be true, that Cas wanted him, always had. And then it was too late to tell him.

_I’ll bring you back to Earth,_ the Shadow whispered. _Leave_ _Castiel_ _alone. Leave me alone. Castiel doesn’t want you to wake him._

Dean almost nodded his head. His legs felt rooted to the ground, his mind racing with every reason why Castiel was better off without him, all the ways Dean had failed him.

But then Castiel’s words echoed in his mind, louder than the Shadow’s, louder than every painful memory: _I_ _love you._

The tears in his eyes, the resignation to his death. Dean knew he couldn’t doubt those words, the weight of emotion behind his sacrifice. Knew he couldn't doubt Cas’ perfect contentedness to sacrifice himself to save him.

“Good things do happen, Dean,” Cas had told him when they first met, and it had seemed so unlikely, so undeserved, but he knew now Cas’ love was one of those good things, the only one that mattered right now.

_Take me to him,_ he told the Shadow, thinking the words with as much force as he could. _Take me to him or I will never stop searching. I’ll search this place for eternity, calling Castiel’s name, and you will never get to rest._

The same threat he knew Cas had made when he first went to the Empty. When he died and Dean had felt like he died too. The same fight Cas had put up to return to him.

The voice in his head snarled, _Don’t be foolish, Dean._

But Dean knew this was the clearest his mind had been in a long time. Clear certainty of what he must do, of what he must tell Cas. That Cas could have him, all of him, forever.

He began walking again, calling Cas’ name in his mind. Cas died peacefully because he saw no other way, because he needed to save Dean’s life. But there was another way now. No more sacrifice. No more finding peace in death. They could find peace in life, on Earth, together. Dean would make sure of it.

The Empty pushed against him, but he kept walking, kept calling Cas’ name, calling and searching, and the Shadow spat, _Fine! I’ll take you to him and you’ll see that I am right._

In the blink of an eye, Dean was no longer alone. A few feet in front of him, a body lay on the ground. The familiar tan of a well-worn trench coat. Castiel.

His heart in his throat, Dean ran forward and dropped down by Cas’ side. “Cas!” he said aloud, the words sucked out of his throat into the vacuum of the Empty. Gingerly, he touched Cas’ shoulder. His eyes were closed, a look of bliss on his face.

_Dead,_ Dean thought with a jolt to his heart. Then he noticed the small shift of Cas’ trench coat and shirt as his chest rose and fell silently.

_Sleeping,_ the Shadow corrected him. _And you’ll never be able to wake him because he’s happy. He’s where he wants to be._

_Please, Cas, wake up,_ Dean begged in his mind. He took Cas’ hand in his own, felt its warmth and squeezed tighter. _Please._

The Shadow laughed and Cas’s eyes remained closed, his breathing steady.

_Cas, I need you, please Cas._

_He doesn’t want you,_ the Shadow taunted in a singsong voice. _He’s happy, so happy._ The words curled in Dean’s mind, sent a shiver down his spine. 

Shutting his eyes, Dean prayed, sending his words outwards, an instinct so familiar, so effortless, it felt like breathing. _Cas, the fight’s over. Chuck is dead, everyone’s safe. You can wake up now._

The Shadow snickered, and Dean ignored it, focused on the physical weight of Cas’ hand in his.

_You can have me,_ he prayed. _I’m sorry, for never letting you know, for pushing you away. You never deserved any of it. You’re loyal, and kind, and forgiving—and you say I changed you, but you changed me. You changed me for the better, and I don’t want to live without you._

Lifting Cas’s hand, he brought it to his lips. _I love you, Cas, you have to know._

_Don’t leave me._

_I love you._

Distantly, he thought he heard the Shadow howl in anger, and then Cas’ hand shifted in his, fingertips brushing his lips.

Almost scared he had only dreamt the sensation, Dean slowly opened his eyes. 

Blue eyes met his gaze. 

“Dean?” Cas asked, his voice loud in the silence of the Empty. It rang in Dean’s ears as he stared at Cas, at his eyes open wide and questioning.

Then he unfroze and moved. Grabbed Cas and pulled him to his chest, buried his face in Cas’ neck, clutched at his trench coat. He felt Cas’ hands settle on his back, grip his jacket. 

“I love you, Cas,” Dean tried to say. The Empty still stole his voice, his words silent. He prayed instead. _I love you._

“I didn’t think you could,” Cas whispered, his voice muffled in Dean’s shoulder. “I didn’t think you loved me back.”

Pulling back, Dean cupped Cas’ face in his hands and Cas held onto his wrists. _I do,_ he told him, prayed. _I always have._

Cas smiled, his eyes wet, and Dean felt a tear drip onto his thumb.

_Will you come back with me?_ Dean asked. _Will you be happy with me?_

Cas nodded and pressed his forehead to Dean’s. “Yes,” he said. “Yes.”

Shutting his eyes, Dean breathed a sigh of relief, felt his own eyes prickle with tears. _Thank you._

He helped Cas to his feet, holding tightly onto his hand, and Cas addressed someone Dean couldn’t see. “We’re leaving, and you’re going to let us go.”

_You can’t,_ the Shadow snarled in Dean’s mind.

_If you ever want to sleep again, you’ll bring us back to Earth,_ Dean told it.

The Shadow whined and griped and snarled. Indiscernible sounds that fought in Dean’s mind, filled it to a cacophony—then everything spun and Dean clutched Cas’ hand.

  
Bright sunlight.

Dean squinted up at a blue sky and realized he was laying on his back. Grass tickled his face and, slowly, he sat up. An open field, a warm breeze, daytime. He let out a shaky breath and heard it, heard birds chirping in the trees lining the field, heard the wind shifting the leaves.

Earth. Home.

Cas shifted, and Dean looked down at him where he lay, still tightly gripping his hand. Cas blinked up at the sky, at him, and Dean started laughing, from relief, from joy. A smile spread across Cas’ face and he sat up, leaned into Dean. 

“Thank you,” he said and there wasn’t any sadness in his eyes anymore, just happiness. 

“I love you," Dean said aloud, finally, and the words never sounded so right.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! ep 18 made me both so happy i was giddy, and also so so sad. fingers crossed we get Cas back because I don't want to think that his story is truly over. let me know what you thought of this coda in the comments, and you can find my tumblr [here](https://expectingtofly.tumblr.com/) :)


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